I just karate chopped my child in the face on accident while trying to stop her from running and smashing into the stove since I have two pans of hot grease on there because I'm making dinner. I'm pretty sure she called me an asshole, but with her speech deficiency, a lot of words still get jumbled up. Anyways, now she's sitting on the couch whispering to her dog and glaring at me. It's very unsettling.
So, if you hear about an "accident" resulting in my unfortunate and untimely demise on the news later, tell them it was my toddler......and her dog. Send help.
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