Part 3

Quarantine confessions part 3:

My crotch goblins JUST went to bed because they were playing Mario Kart and I lost track of time. They were leaving me alone and having fun. I don't even feel bad about it.

Escape

Since we can't escape our twat tokens, this seems like the next best thing. Asylum seems fitting considering our situation. Wish us luck.

Rebellion

When your sibling is trying to start a rebellion over the taxation of snacks, but you're okay with the hierarchy because you're allowed to play on the nabi.

Part 2

Quarantine confessions part 2:

I really want to socially distance myself from my fallopian fruit, but apparently they rely on me for survival. 🤦🏼‍♀️😩

Part 1

Quarantine confessions part 1:

I don't remember the last time my kids showered.

Check the background

I took an adorable picture of my uterus droppings kicking my ass at yahtzee yesterday. I almost posted it, but I do that thing where I check the background first to make sure my house doesn't appear to be inhibited by a neglectful hoarder. During this game of I-spy how big of a mess I am, I happened to glimpse something alarming. Directly beside my 7yos head in said picture was my toddler standing right beside her potty chair. She was facing the opposite direction, crouched over, with her brown eye winking at the camera. I'm just over here trying to capture memories and I could have been arrested. The moral of this story is to always check the background before posting a picture, especially when you have a moddler. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Quit beating me

"I love you so much and I'm really trying to be nice to you, but if you keep kicking my ass at these games, I'm dropping you off at a fire station."

Ultimate Sock Matching

Day who the hell knows of quarantine:

We played ultimate sock matching championship. I matched the most socks in the allotted time and had an award ceremony so my kids could present me with my 1st place gold medal. 

I think we're starting to crack.

Momhub

Momhub

Hear me out.....

It's like Grubhub, but specifically for wine delivery. There will be a 1-10 number scale to disclose how crazy your womb wreckers have been throughout the day which will determine the level of care you recieve. Anything over 10 will allow the driver to fake an issue with your payment method to allow a 5 minute escape from your home to eat a snack and cry/scream in the delivery vehicle. Thoughts?

Google Eyes

You're just too bad to be true

I can't take my eyes off you.

You don't listen when I say not to touch

I wanna yell at you so much.

At long last google eyes have arrived

I don't know how I've kept you alive

You're just too bad to be true

Can't take my eyes off you.