You're amazing.

In case nobody told you today, you're amazing.

You're an amazing homeschool teacher.

You're an amazing chicken nugget maker. 

You're an amazing cleaner upper. 

You're an amazing boo-boo kisser.

You're an amazing story teller.

You're an amazing tucker innerer.

You're an amazing cup filler.

You're an amazing game player.

You're an amazing snack opener.

You're an amazing mommy. 

You are nothing less than amazing. ❤

Making her bed

I never realized how extensive my moddler's vocabulary is. I guess I didn't fully comprehend all of the words she's managed to pick up from my husband and I until I watched her try to put a sheet on her new bed for a half hour. It's the most I've seen her consistently focus on one task and if it weren't for the various curse words she was using out of frustration due to one corner uncovering everytime she tried to get another one covered, I would have been extremely impressed. This is the first time in my life I've heard how a sailor would make a bed and to be completely honest, it's terrifying. 🤦🏼‍♀️😬

HR?

One of my students have started following me into the bathroom. Does anyone know the number to HR? Can I expel her?

German

The oldest child I care for, aka my husband, has decided to learn German during this quarantine. It all started because I mentioned teaching his spawn a secondary language to help open up some career opportunities when she's grown in case she doesn't grow out of showing her chocolate starfish to everyone. Let's be honest, at this point, college isn't exactly an intelligent investment. Hopefully that will change, but for now, we're just trying to adjust to challenges as they appear. Anyways, the love of my life decided to start this now while we're in the midst of the chaos ensued by homeschooling and the terrible case of cabin fever we're all experiencing. Let me just say that if this man doesn't book us a trip to Germany as soon as this quarantine lifts to make use of the new language he decided to learn while we're all losing our minds, I'm going to be a widow. 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

She Does Everything. 🙄

There I was, discussing Canadian politics with my 6th grader for her Social Studies assignment while shampooing the carpet because my moddler decided to coat it with a banana she smushed and give it an overcoat of milk that she somehow managed to dump into a squirt gun from her sippy cup when I realized I needed to make lunch. While I was throwing together sandwiches, I decided to turn on Shrek in an attempt to distract my semen demon from demolishing my house while I finish everything I'm trying to accomplish. The dogs start barking so I asked my 7yo to stop the video she was watching on her laptop to go check the mail because I'm expecting a package of clothes I had ordered FOR HER. She sighs, rolls her eyes, looks directly in my face, and says, "ugh. I do everything around here." 😳 Just a recap in case you weren't paying attention: I am simultaneously teaching, cooking, shampooing, searching for Shrek(the Christmas one because that's the current favorite), and trying to get the dogs to stop barking at the mailman, but she has to do EVERYTHING by pushing pause and walking 10ft to the door? Thank god the fire department is still considered essential because I'm about to drop kick this one right to their front door. 🤦🏼‍♀️

For Worse

Over this lovely weekend, I watched my husband, the man I CHOSE to spend the rest of my life with, try to turn on a tv while holding the power cord. We mounted it in our moddler's bedroom in anticipation of her new bunk bed arriving. As he was standing there trying to program the remote, he was getting frustrated that it would not turn on. He was standing there with the remote in one hand and the power cord in the other. This quarantine is wearing on us all. Is that what the "for worse" part of my vows covered? He's supposed to be the mentally stable one. God help us all.

"Do you hear that?"

My condom complaints have this annoying habit of trying to tell me a story at the most inconvenient time. It's usually while I'm in the middle of doing something vital to their survival amongst the chaos such as preparing dinner or getting three different lesson plans pulled up on three different devices. My ears are open 24/7 for them to explain every detail of anything they want to talk about, but every once in a while, I need the noise to stop so i don't have a nervous breakdown from not being able to process everything that is happening. Because of this, I've started doing this thing where I hush everyone, make a genuinely concerned face, and ask, "what is that? Do you hear it?" This activates their curiosity and they all get extremely quiet to sneak through the house, looking for what is making the phantom noise. I get to finish what I'm doing and they get to help try and identify a noise that doesnt exist. It's a win-win......for now. Hopefully they'll understand why I do this when they have children of their own and don't just worry that auditory hallucinations are hereditary. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Urinal Confessional

Tonight while brushing my teeth, my 7yo burst in the bathroom to use the toilet. Apparently scrubbing my mouth triggers the colons of my uterus candy and they feel the need to shit IMMEDIATELY. She comes in, sits down, and says, "remember when I went to the dentist and you told them I brush teeth everyday?" I nodded my head yes and she said, "I don't remember the last time I brushed my teeth." I asked, "What? Why?" She responded by telling me that I told her as long as her room was picked up, she didn't need to make her bed because she was just going to sleep in it again so she figured she didn't need to brush her teeth because she was just going to dirty them again when she ate. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I send them up every night and say, "brush your teeth." Apparently she's just been skipping it for god only knows how long and decided to use the bathroom right now as a truth booth to disclose that information. I guess I need to go back to supervising their before bed routines. #momfail

My dress

I bought myself something for the first time in a very long time. It was a cute, girly dress which is the complete opposite of what I would normally wear. Today, I decided to go get some groceries since my husband was off and could keep my belly fruit home with him. I was excited to leave the house without having someone attached to my leg and even more excited to get our groceries without hearing, "mom, can I have....." This was the perfect time to wear the new addition to my wardrobe!! I squeezed into my spanks, fixed my hair, put on my makeup, and finally threw on my adorable new dress. I got done grocery shopping in record time. Half because I didn't have to chase my minions through the store and the other half because most of the things on my list weren't in stock. I called to order takeout to pick up on the way home since I was out anyways. When I walked in, I was greeted and told that it would be a bit of a wait. My fat ass stood there and waited for the longest time before the woman came back out and told me I could wait in my car for them to bring it out. She said, "I didn't realize you were pregnant. You don't need to stand in here and wait." 😐 As I was leaving, completely speechless, she said, "you're glowing by the way." First of all, that's not a pregnancy glow. That's from the cheetos I was stuffing in my face on the way to pick up my order. Second, I'm not pregnant, not at all. This wonderful new dress that I was so excited to wear accentuates my post-baby pouch. I'm never buying anything for myself again.

Spring Cleaning

We're spring cleaning. Anyone with kids knows that means you get to sit around and argue with your coochie creations about why they absolutely can not live without anything you're trying to throw away. It doesn't matter if it's the very last piece of a random toy they played with one time, they NEED IT. It doesn't matter if it's a part of a squirt gun that broke back in 2012, they have to keep it. It doesn't matter if it's the same damn piece of paper that you gave in and let them keep last year because it's from kindergarten and that one mark on that crumbled up piece of paper holds some sort of sentimental value for them despite said piece of paper laying in the exact same spot in the corner of their room for the past year, they absolutely can not part with it or they won't be able to survive the rest of their adolescent lives. Anyways, I'm standing in my sons room and inform him that I ordered him a new bed so we needed to get his mattress and boxspring outside so we could have it hauled away. We lifted the queen sized boxspring up and the bottom fell out. IT WAS FILLED ALL THE WAY THROUGH WITH TRASH!! It wasn't just trash. He had everything from boiled eggs to dirty dishes shoved in there. When I say that I'm done with this child, I absofuckenlutely mean it today. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Holy poop

Today while pooping on the big potty:

Toddler: "Holy shit." 

Me: "We don't say that, remember? We say holy poop."

Toddler: "Holy poop. It a big shit."

We're making progress.........kinda. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I Failed Today

I failed today. 

We woke up late and ate whatever we wanted for breakfast. We sat in front of the tv to watch cartoons as we ate our leftover Easter candy as our most important meal of the day. 

I failed today. 

We didn't do a single lesson for school. We didn't even open our laptops or notebooks. They've been working extremely hard every single day this week and we're all mentally drained.

I failed today. 

My kids had spaghettios for lunch with a bag of chips as a side. They also had an insane amount of snacks because we didn't follow our normal eating schedule.

I failed today. 

I didn't do any housework at ALL. Instead, I sat down on the couch, drank some warm coffee, and played video games with my crotch goblins.

I failed today.

Dinner consisted of a random variety of fried appetizers with ice cream sandwiches for dessert. 

I failed today.

We stayed up wayyyyyyyy past our bedtimes to play and watch tv. The playroom is destroyed and I didn't make them clean up or even take a bath before kissing their foreheads to wish them the sweetest dreams. 

I failed today. I failed at being their teacher. I failed at being their chef. I failed at being their schedule keeper. I failed at being their maid. I failed in so many categories, but do you know what I didn't fail? 

Being their mom, friend, and their teammate in Mario Kart.

Tomorrow, we'll wake up, put our game faces on, and get back to business, but today, I was just their mess of a mom and that's all they needed me to be. ❤

"Ice tits"

I just went to change my daytime pajamas into my nighttime pajamas because I don't leave the house so I just rotate wearing baggy t-shirts. I took my top off and my moddler ran into the room screaming, "MOOOOOOOM!!" I said, "what?" Her response? "Ice tits!" 🤦🏼‍♀️ Someone please come get my husband before I feed him to a tiger. She's repeating sooooooo many of the phrases he says and I can't handle the both of them.

Great Hiding Spot

My humpling disappeared on me today. She wanted to play with her stickers, but I told her she needed to wait until her siblings were done with their school work. I grabbed them and put them on the shelf behind the tv. "That's the end of that," or so I thought. I went back to explaining to my son that there would be cords to connect you to a spaceship so you couldn't just fall out and float around space until you starve to death because one of his assignments was to explain why you would or wouldn't be an astronaut. Then, the silence engulfed the room. I went to go find my moddler, expecting to see her pouting in a corner somewhere. She wasn't in her room, the bathroom, her siblings rooms, or my room. I even opened the front door to check outside, fearing that she was showing the neighbors her dark star again. Finally, I summoned her the mom way. I grabbed myself a snack and sat on the couch to enjoy it in peace. All of a sudden, I hear, "hey, hey, hey, hey!! Nacks!!" I looked up to see the tv almost fall down so I ran over to stop it from rocking back and forth. She was behind the damn thing, trying to get her stickers so she could sneak off and play with them anyways since she's a strong, independent toddler who doesn't take no for an answer. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Pictures

"Can you please smile so I can take a picture?"

Vs

"Mom, cheeeeeeeese."

"I'm Toxic"

Son: "Should I go help that lady load her groceries?"

Me: "No, buddy. It's a very nice offer, but we need to stay away from people because kids, like you, are full of germs and you could get that older woman sick."

Son: *screaming* "I'm sorry I can't help you. My mom said I'm toxic." 

🤦🏼‍♀️

Middle School

My middle schooler said she misses school so I ate her lunch and tripped her in the hallway. Apparently she wasn't referring to those parts so our lesson today is on clarification and being more detail-oriented.

Where's the moddler?

I'm starting to get sick of playing "Where's the Moddler?" It's like Where's Waldo except, in this situation, Waldo is 3ft tall, devious, and still likes to leave mysterious shits all over my house like she's hosting her own personal Easter egg hunt with a different type of chocolate surprise. If at any point, I don't hear incoherent demands coming from my womb wrecker, I get to search my house trying to find her. The only difference is that even when I win, I lose. She's ALWAYS into something. Tonight, we got out of the bath and as I was explaining to her siblings how the flusher works on the toilet for the millionth time, she disappeared. I decided the first step to playing this game tonight was pouring myself a BIG glass of wine. As I approached the kitchen, I heard, "soooooo good....." I rounded the corner to see her shoveling leftover chocolate pie in her face while simultaneously pushing her freshly shampooed hair out of her eyes with her HANDS. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I asked why she is the way that she is and all she said was, "wat? I no BAD guy." Thanks for that heart melting line, Wreck it Ralph. It looks like we're having pie before bed.

May your coffee be strong

Happy Easter, y'all. May your coffee be stronger than your child's attitude and your patience be thicker than your ass. Hopefully the sugar high will wear off soon and you can call it an early night. If not, bottoms up. 🥂

I Hate Easter

My thoughts and prayers go out to all of parents with co-sleeping toddlers tonight. It's practically impossible to set up for Easter morning with an ankle biter attached to you. So, you think to yourself, "I'll just lay down until they fall asleep." HAH! Good luck staying awake wrapped up with that cuddly ball of heat. Even if you do manage to keep somewhat alert, you have to do a Marine sanctioned obstacle course to escape. You have to untangle your hair from theirs, slip out of their death grip, slide out of bed, army crawl to a safe distance and escape the room without making any noise to hurriedly throw together a basket, all within the allotted timeframe between when you get up and they somehow sense your absence. Then, you get to go back and attempt to actually go to sleep, despite your heart pounding out of your chest because the anxiety of trying to complete this task has you feeling like you just jumped out of an airplane. Good luck in the morning dealing with your kids that have ingested about 20 pounds of chocolate before 8am while you're clinging to your coffee cup for dear life because you KNOW it's the only thing standing between you and a straight jacket. Easter is so much fun.

Rain Boot

My muff monster is currently screaming at me from her room because I took away the rain boot that she was using as a cup. I personally don't think that the foot sweat she was injesting with the gatorade she poured in there was as delicious as she claimed it was, but apparently I ruined her life by not letting her drink her homemade foot fungus electrolyte mixture. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Boiled eggs

Me: I don't understand why these kids are so dumb sometimes. 

Also me: *boils an embarrassing amount of brown eggs before realizing I was boiling eggs for us to color.* 🤦🏼‍♀️

Household safety

My belly fruit had to watch a video on household safety today. She expressed how dumb it was because, "who would take a microwave to the bath with them anyways?" I had no idea what she was talking about so I rewatched it. It was a radio. I tried to explain that a radio was something that you'd plug in to listen to music before there were phones and tablets. She looked right at me with the most serious face and said, "like, for the dinosaurs?" 🤦🏼‍♀️

Update: I asked what kind of music dinosaurs would even listen to and she responded with, "well, probably rock....." 😂

School of chirping

The only thing we're learning today is the effectiveness of chirping.

Standoff

We had ourselves a good, old fashioned standoff last night. My moddler refused to go to bed. She kept getting up to run off, screaming, "yee-haw" for some unknown reason. Apparently cowgirls don't sleep. Who knew? Anyways, I made her lay back down and told her that I was going to turn the tv off if she got up again because I'm "that mom" that allows her kids to watch a movie to unwind after a long day. She grabbed the remote, but I wrestled it from her. She gave me the most devious grin and got back up, running towards the door, but stopped to turn and face me. There we were, standing on opposite sides of the room with neither of us willing to yield. I grabbed the remote and told her that I was done trying to negotiate with a tiny terrorist. She leaned in towards me, grinned from ear to ear, and whispered, "do it. Turn off." I could not believe the ovies on this child. I kept eye contact as I pushed the power button on the remote, but nothing happened. I turned towards the tv to figure out what the hell was going on when I heard her tiny giggles. I turned back towards her to see her holding out a battery with her dirty digits. It's so frustrating getting outsmarted by a child that can't even wipe their own ass.

"I hate it here"

My 7 year old just paused her lesson on her computer, slowly removed her headphones, walked to the bathroom, closed the door and screamed, "I HATE IT HERE!" Then, she casually opened the door, calmly walked back to her computer, adjusted herself in her seat, and put her headphones on to push play. I've never been more convinced that this twat token is mine.

Part 11

Quarantine confessions part 11:

Sometimes, in the middle of the night while everyone is asleep, I sneak out of the bedroom to go sit in the bathroom. I don't have to use the toilet. I just like to see how the other side lives.

Bangs

My middle love trophy decided she wanted her hair like mine and her sisters. We recently decided to dye our hair and try bangs. I expressed to my middle that she won't be able to change it once it's done if she doesn't like it and explained in detail that she would have to let it grow out to make her hair the same as it is. She told me she was fine with that and she really wanted to match us. I got her all set up in the bathroom, got the scissors, and told her to close her eyes because I thought she'd freak out if she saw me cutting her bangs. I got done and she opened her eyes to ask, "what color is it? Does it look okay?" 🤦🏼‍♀️ This poor child meant that she wanted her hair dyed, not cut. She's in for a rude awakening.

Neemols

My crotch droppings were all sitting around doing schoolwork when my only son randomly stood up all exasperated to announce, "I'M SWEATING!" I'm not quite sure why he felt like he needed to loudly announce that his armpits were crying, but I've learned that it's better not to ask those questions. He ran over to grab his deodorant in an attempt to stop the flow of fluids from his flesh. My moddler ran over and demanded he apply it to her as well. He put the lid back on and pretended to deodorize her tiny sweat pits because everyone in this house is completely toddler-whipped. You would think that she would be content after that, but she seemed even more angry. She started screaming "neemols" and my son was hysterical because he didn't understand why she was howling at him. You see, "neemols" is how she says nipples. Full disclosure: I put deodorant under my meat mountains. It appears as though she thinks that is how you apply antiperspirant and is now infuriated that her brother refused to accommodate all of her deodorant application needs. 😂 God help me with these kids.

Part 10

Quarantine confessions part 10:

I sat and drank an entire bottle of wine tonight while my spawns were counting sheep because I fucken deserve it. Sorry, kids, the teacher might have a "grown-up headache" in the morning.

The washer?

I just pulled a handful of toddler shit out of my washer in case anyone was having baby fever during this quarantine.

Video Call

My moddler had her speech therapy evaluation via video conference today. Have any of you ever had the displeasure of trying to do a video call with a curtain climber running around, wrecking havoc? If you haven't had to, I don't recommend trying it. EVER. I would rather be fed to Carole Baskin's tigers than to ever be put into another situation where there is a live video stream of the shenanigans that occur under this roof. It started out fine. We were both sitting at the table, interacting with the case manager and speech therapist. All of a sudden, my uterus candy decided she was over it. She got down and starting running amok. I continued with the evaluation and ignored her attempts to distract me. I'm going on and on about how intelligent she is when all of a sudden, I see her dash across the screen with her shirt over her head and run face first into my refrigerator. I jumped up to check on little miss Cornholio only to realize I wasn't wearing any pants. 🤦🏼‍♀️ All in all, I give the entire experience a 0/10.

Were you asleep?

I scared the shit out of my oldest last night. I got up to use the bathroom and heard a noise coming from her room. I sort of forgot she was home. To be fair, this whole ordeal feels a lot like summer to me. The kids are home all day, driving me crazy and she only comes down for sustenance to feul her sarcasm induced pre-teen angst before climbing back into her black hole of a bedroom. Plus, my oldest usually stays with my parents when there isn't school. It started so she could help my mom through her chemo complications and now they're just really close. Anyways, I heard movement and I panicked. I grabbed the Macbook, which in hindsight was not the smartest move. Maybe, subconsciously, I planned to size up the intruder and if they we're large, I'd just give it to them as an offering because I don't think I could use it as a weapon, not because of it's lack of durability but because of it's insanely high price tag. I slowly climbed the stairs so they wouldn't squeak. I didn't want to give away my advantage. I was holding this damn laptop as if it were a loaded shotgun as I turned the corner like I was playing COD. Then, my dumb ass kicked in her door. She jumped and yelled. I almost dropped my exorbitant imaginary fully automatic Macbook. She screamed, "I'm sleeping!" I froze and all I could say was, "holy fuck! There are 4 of you!"

Monopoly

We played Frozen 2 Monopoly tonight and my fair-haired fallopian fruit decided to get pissed off because nobody was willing to trade $500 for her $100 in case anyone was thinking about trying board games to pass the time.

Here we are

"Holy big poop, pooper trooper. Show me your butthole" is not something I ever thought would come out of my mouth as a grown, tax-paying adult, but here we are.

Part 10

Quarantine confessions part 10:

I told my kids that the fumes from the hair dye I used yesterday can linger in the air for 48 hours and it's toxic to anyone shorter than me so they will leave me alone. I just want to take a shit in peace.

Facebook memories

This was in my Facebook memories. This is the type of offspring I create. 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

Part 9

Quarantine confessions part 9:

My husband and son have a feud going on in the game Animal Crossing. They both get on there to steal each other's shit and then argue about it. It's currently 3am and I can't sleep so I made my own little person and set a tent up on the opposite side of their island for the sole purpose of stealing BOTH of their supplies to pit them against each other. 😈

Lettuce pray I romaine sane

Tonight I went in to lay down and found an entire bowl of lettuce in my bed. I was extremely confused. I grabbed it and went out to the kitchen so I could put it away while mentally reiterating the events that occured after dinner. Did I take the lettuce in the bedroom? Am I so tired that I tried to tuck in a bowl of cut up lettuce? Is there a recall on romaine again? Maybe I just had a bad salad and now I'm hallucinating. As I'm putting it away, my middle humpling comes strolling downstairs with no fucks to give about it being wayyyy past her bedtime. Since she was up already, I asked if she knew why the hell there was lettuce in my bed. She looked at me and said, "ummmmm, you told me to put the "acer" on your bed." I informed her that the Acer was a computer and not lettuce. She shrugged her shoulders, looked right at me and said, "I didn't know that. I thought you were just going dumb with your words again." 😳 For those of you that don't know, I have a stutter that gets significantly worse when my kids are driving me crazy and this insensitive asshole thought I was just trying to spit out the word lettuce.

Part 8

Quarantine confessions part 8:

I decided to cut my own bangs.

Assholeitis

It appears as though my muff monsters have contracted assholeitis. The symptoms include talking back, fighting amongst themselves, stomping their feet, whining, eye rolling, etc. I was really hoping quarantine would keep them safe, but it seems to have had the opposite effect. I'm not really sure how to treat this affliction so they've been isolating in their rooms until which time they are symptom free. Hopefully they'll start feeling better soon. Until then, we're accepting prayers and alcohol.

Better?

My lovely little twat terror decided to wake up and lose her shit tonight. The reasoning? Her cup was empty. I am not a psychic or a magician so I had no idea this travesty occurred nor could I use my magical abilities to automatically refill little miss queen bee's chalice. She was flailing her arms around like she just got hired to stand in front of a car dealership so I got out of bed to go fill it up and mumbled, "you're a pain in my ass." As I went out to replenish her vitamin D vessel, I reassured myself that I am a strong, independent woman that doesn't take orders from anyone. All of a sudden, I hear very fast footsteps coming right at me. For someone so small, she sounds like a stampede of elephants. I decided I wasn't going to engage and just kept preparing her cup. Next thing I know, I feel something wet right on my underbum. I swung my body around, thankful that I didn't instinctively swing. My moddler was standing there with those big baby blues looking at me like she was so proud of herself. I asked what she was doing and she said, "a better?" I was confused as hell so I asked her what was supposed to feel better. She said, "you ass a pain." Apparently she thought it was necessary to literally kiss my ass. 😂🤦🏼‍♀️ 

I can't even stay flustered for 5 minutes before this flip-switch makes me laugh.

Part 7

Quarantine confessions part 7:

I told my sperm sprouts that I had to go to the store today. I got completely dressed and went out to the car where I sat in complete silence for about 20 minutes before coming back in to tell them that the stores were closed. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Conference call

She had to have snacks and I had to "fill er up" with milk, but she sat still the entire time for her very first hour long conference call today.

Part 6

Quarantine confessions part 6:

My husband and I just got into an argument over what a trapezoid is. We had to google it and both of us were wrong.

Part 5

Quarantine confessions part 5:

I've made spaghetti for dinner at least 7 times the past three weeks.

Homeschooling

This is our first day homeschooling our two middle crotch goblins. It's only been a couple hours and I just want to go home. From this moment on, whenever my kids get a new teacher, I'm going to find out their favorite type of alcohol. I'll make sure those poor souls are stocked up through the entire school year. It's a holiday? Have some alcohol. My kid got a yellow on their color chart? Have a bottle. They had a test today? Have a gift basket of shot bottles. You survived the entire WEEK? Here's a fifth of whiskey.

MarioKart

I sent everyone to bed except my semen demon because we're finishing our game in Mario Kart 8. To be honest, I'm playing and she has an unplugged controller so she can "play" too. Anyways, I rounded a corner in the game and a blue shell came and knocked me off the track. My moddler screamed, threw the controller on the ground, got real close to the tv, pointed at the kart that passed me with her tiny little finger, and said, "fuk at guy!!" 🤦🏼‍♀️ She's got some serious gamer rage in such a tiny little body.

Gamer Rage

I sent everyone to bed except my semen demon because we're finishing our game in Mario Kart 8. To be honest, I'm playing and she has an unplugged controller so she can "play" too. Anyways, I rounded a corner in the game and a blue shell came and knocked me off the track. My moddler screamed, threw the controller on the ground, got real close to the tv, pointed at the kart that passed me with her tiny little finger, and said, "fuk at guy!!" 🤦🏼‍♀️ She's got some serious gamer rage in such a tiny little body.

How long has it been?

When you've lost track of how many days you've been stuck in your house with your womb wreckers. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Part 4

Quarantine confessions part 4:

I've become the Pope of online shopping.