Breadsticks

Do you ever feel like you're going crazy? Like one of your senses is making you think you should be committed because you're hearing, seeing, or smelling something that you shouldn't be? Tonight, that was me. I heard chewing. That sound instantly drives me nuts, but I KNEW i heard it. Everyone was asleep. I had moved my moddler to her own bed and I was almost asleep when the sound hit my ears like a fucken blow horn. I reached for my phone, turned on the flashlight and looked around. My husband was asleep. The dog was asleep. Bean was asleep in her bed on the other side of my bedroom and I was convinced I was hearing shit. I turned the flashlight off and got comfortable only to hear it again!! I checked everyone again and everyone was still asleep. This happened three more times until I got up and turned the light on because either I was having a nervous breakdown or someone/thing was chewing something somewhere, but I was determined to get to the bottom of it. I got all comfortable again and closed my eyes to give the illusion that I was asleep. This time, I heard ruffling so i opened my eyes just a little to see bright blue eyes searching to see if i was awake. I then watched this little shit pull something out of her pullup and start chewing on it. I jumped out of bed to run to her because 1. That's nasty and 2. She was supposed to be asleep. As I jumped out of bed, I pushed the blanket down and in my rush to stop her from eating whatever the fuck it was, I didnt realize the blankets were wrapped around my feet. I fell flat on my face. The damn floor came out of nowhere and beat the shit out of me. I finally got myself up and gathered to go over to her bed to see she's laying there with her eyes closed and mouth open. I KNOW she was just awake. I literally saw her looking at me and even if that was just me hallucinating in my sleep deprived state, there's no fucken way she slept through my fat ass smashing my face off the floor. The whole damn house shook like we were having an earthquake. I was seriously worried about the Leaning Tower of Pisa. After surving hundreds of years on its unstable foundation, my fat ass falling as hard as I did probably knocked the damn thing over. Anyways, I get to her and start investigating. I looked in her bed all around her and didn't find anything. I went to go back to bed and then i realized that during my UFC fight with the floor, I had somehow forgotten that I watched her pull something out of her pullup. I turn back around to see my little Cockblockistan native with a smirk on her face. She thinks she's won. I kneel down and pull out her pullup to find BREADSTICKS!! A shit ton of breadsticks. We had Pizza Hut for dinner and I ordered breadsticks with them, but when we went to eat them, we couldn't find them anywhere. I thought I had forgotten them when I picked up our order. She stole an entire order of fucken breadsticks and must have hid them until they cooled down enough to put them in her pullup!! Then, she pretended to be asleep so she could eat them all. Anyone want this spermling before I lose my fucken mind?! 😂🥖🥖