Shit streaks

I woke up to shit on my floor today. Having a potty-training moddler and two dogs has helped to condition me to expect a random turd on the floor every once in a while. It's not as shocking anymore when it happens, but when I say I woke up to shit, I dont mean just a little block of assage passage, I mean my floor was COVERED. I have a theory of how it happened based on the direction of the smudges. I'm like 93% sure someone or something left their anus cake in the far corner of my kitchen and my moddler, in an attempt to clean it, put paper towels over it and scooted her happy, helpful ass all to way to the garbage can, which is in the opposite corner of my kitchen. This is exactly what I do with any sort of spillage of LIQUIDS on my floor because I don't have the time or energy to get down on all fours to clean up yet another mess. So, as I'm cleaning the shit off of my good mop that I had to use to scrub the disgusting rectum trail that I was so graciously surprised with, my moddler decided she was going to get into the fridge. When I asked what she was making, she told me, "a drink for you" and then tried to hand it to me to "help you no be mean". 🙄 I love her imagination, but right now I'm just questioning whether she's playing bartender or big pharma with this stunt. I'm not sure if she thinks I'm dehydrated, need medicated, or if she's trying to poison me, but either way, I wasn't being "mean" just because I couldn't play with her as I was trying to clean the mess that was generated while she was trying to help. 😂🤦🏼‍♀️