I bet you're wondering why I'm posting two bathroom pictures from the toilet that appear to be a before and after comparison of what having children is like. Well, calm your tits because I'm about to explain. Every day I come to the bathroom and it looks like the picture on the top. Every day I bitch and say, "this is not one of those performances that requires an audience!!" I'm just trying to enjoy a little of bit of peace and possibly take a shit without someone repeating sounds that they may or may not hear. Also, if you've ever been in this situation, you know how difficult it is to push out that coffee that you drank to keep up with these little shits, the coffee that went STRAIGHT through you, with a child in your face copying your expression, basically mock shitting and making it IMPOSSIBLE to finish the deed. As for the picture on the bottom, it's that glorious time you sit down and realize that not a single person followed you because they're occupied for the first time all god damn day so you decide to enjoy it and relax, maybe breathe for a second. You get all situated and feel your body relax only to realize, like you do every single time that you're in the bathroom alone, THERE IS NO FUCKEN TOILET PAPER!!!! So, you scream and yell, but not one person residing in your house comes to your aid. There's no way that they are ALL busy. Literally any other time, you have to remove someones face out of your ass just to sit down on the toilet. So, you end up doing the two step, pants around your ankles shuffle to go get your ass a roll of toilet paper because the ONLY time you get to go to the bathroom alone is the ONLY time that the toilet paper roll is empty as fuck. It never fails.
EVERY SINGLE FUCKEN TIME!!
I just want to be able to shit AND wipe my ass in one sitting without having an entourage. Is that too much to ask?!?
No comments:
Post a Comment